Pact
by Isee
Summary: If Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye had a torrid past romance, it would be like this.
1. The first time

_Because I am a canon-whore, I can't really see Roy and Riza having an actually relationship during or previous to the present manga timeline. However, I am a fan of Royai, so this is my fanwank._

_This story is a little OOC, but not really, because I guess Roy and Riza were different before, right after the war._

_I also stole the plot device of Roy bringing Riza white roses after the war from someone, but I can't remember whom. I did not come up with the white roses plot device and I definitely do not own Fullmetal Alchemist._

**Chapter 1: The first time**

He brought her a dozen white roses after the war.

"Here's to us, to victory and life," he said, with more flippant irony than bitter sarcasm in his voice. He was amazingly young then. He didn't look like someone who had gone to war, much less killed anyone, much less killed so many.

She was silent as she cradled the roses, white and clean and pure.

He watched her, slumped against the wall, as she placed the flowers in water. The look on his face was that of satisfaction, of relief, like coming out of the desert and seeing a cool veranda and knowing everything would be quiet and calm now. It was the look of someone relishing in something precious before he went to claim it.

She looked back at him, there in her dim and dusty apartment, and walked to the entrance of a hallway and waited. He walked toward her and put his hands on her face and kissed her. As his hands traveled down her neck and into her blouse, they fumbled a little, hesitant, as if his hands knew that if you tried to hold onto a dream too tightly it would disappear. Yet at the same time he pressed forward with the eagerness of one who had yearned for something for far too long.

Riza Hawkeye herself kissed back slowly and deliberately and walked just as deliberately backwards down the hall. She had been tired for a long time. She had also waited a long time. There was no need to rush things. She suspected that Roy Mustang was a virgin. Perhaps he had been too busy studying alchemy in his former life. In the bedroom she helped him undress, first her, then himself. He lay silent and dormant for a moment as she ran her hands over his unfettered flesh before his instincts took over. He had been waiting for this too: he had been waiting for the right time, the right place, the right courage. He wasn't going to hesitate anymore.

* * *

Afterwards he awoke to moonlight streaming in through the window. Outside he could see Eastern Headquarters. He moaned and buried his head into Riza's shoulder, blocking out all that was real with the scent of her hair. He truly wondered for a moment, that if he stayed there long enough, if it would all go away, forever, leaving only Riza. The woman in question reached up to stroke his hair, run her hands down his back. Roy shifted his head to kiss her, deeply.

"I'm going to quit the military," she said.

Roy had a moment of unbridled panic.

"Don't worry: I'll still be in Eastern. I have family here."

"Hmm," was his reply as he bent his head to nibble at her neck, avoiding her unspoken question.

"What are you going to do, Major?"

With a sigh, he replied, "I don't know. I don't like to think about it. I think I really am the military's dog now. Even though I hate my master for what he's done to me, I'm still waiting, I'm still in limbo, until he sees fit to give me another order." Pause. "I don't think I have the will to go on anymore, on my own. I don't know what to do."

"Don't be like that. You're going to stay with me."

That sounded like the best scenario he had ever heard. And she had said it in such a matter-of-fact way, as if it were obvious. He loved that. So he gave her another kiss.


	2. The only time

_The apple market scene was inspired from the credits of the last episode of the anime. Usually though, I will refer to the manga. I do own neither the anime nor the manga of Fullmetal Alchemist._

**Chapter 2: The only time**

One time they had gone shopping. In the open market he had cuddled behind her, one hand at her waist, one in her cropped golden hair, lips always near her ear. She accepted this as she scanned the marketplace for the best vendors. Suddenly she was out of his arms and he was alone, for a split second, before she hooked his hand and pulled him through the crowd. She dropped his hand again as she reached her destination and started bargaining animatedlywith an old man with a starched striped shirt and colorful bowtie. Despite his frail frame, he stood with military straightness and his wares were displayed in tidy rows, polished to a shine. Roy couldn't help but chuckle. Even in her free time, Riza liked things in military precision. Ironically that was the exact opposite of what things had been like inIshvar. Maybe it had been her way of coping, the way delving into alchemy had been his way of coping. Ironically, their coping methods had just made them better soldiers, more efficient killers.

"Alright, you win," the vendor relented, chuckling.

And Riza turned to face him, grinning, smug about her triumph. He had never seen her like that -- just like a child, who could find joy in the world. It was the only time he ever saw her like that.

On their way back to her apartment they stopped to make love in an alleyway. It was an impromptu thing. They had both been so happy walking back to what felt like home in the setting sun that Roy had twirled her around before pressing her against the wall, and she had dropped her bag of carefully selected fruit.

* * *

Roy thought of that one time, when their lovemaking had not been desperate for oblivion, or mere comfort. There had only been one time when they had not made love like it would be the last time they would ever make love. And it was in an alleyway of all places! But still, it was the one time that they had reached for each other not out of some perverse need, but for the joy of it. Other times it had been torrid, and, yes, beautiful, but still in the name of desperation, of Sloth, of avoiding what was real. It was no wonder Gluttony was a friend to Lust. They had only wanted more and more of each other. That one time they had not been famished for each other, but instead tasted, explored, and were for once, satiated.

* * *

_Don't ask me about the sin references or how Roy knows about Gluttony and Lust. I just thought it was appropriate._

_Whoops, I forgot to respond to reviews. Here we go:_

_**shadowriter55**: Thanks, for your review and for putting me on your alert. I hope you like this chapter._

_**kiiroi ymetobu**: I changed the rating. See? Yeah, I was iffy about that too. Nothing's explicitly described but the structure of the story is actually based on their . . . times. Yeah . . ._

_**Edward Mustang**: You are my most loyal reader and reviewer. It's very encouraging. Kudos to you._

_**Blond Hurricane**: I know you're reading this! Leave a review!_


	3. The last time

_References to chapter 25. This chapter is longer than the others because it's a kind of turning point. I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist._

**Chapter 3: The last time**

A few days later, when he was finally forced to go back to his dorm to get new clothes, he had a visitor waiting. The visitor was clothed in a plain manila envelope and was the start of the end. The letter merely congratulated Major Roy Mustang on his admirable performance in the war, and promoted him to Lieutenant Colonel. Roy had thrown the letter down in disgust, considered burning it, decided it wasn't worth it, and gathered a few clothes and personal effects to take to Riza's.

Usually they made love to make the numbness go away, softly and languidly. Sometimes they made love to try and reach each other, to become one because they were both just two broken pieces. That night Roy made love to her angrily, as if it were her fault that she couldn't make him forget the letter. He gave her pleasure almost sadistically, wanting to make her scream out his name, because maybe if she did then he would remember who he was. Afterwards she asked him what was wrong. He told her.

"If it upsets you so much, why don't you quit? Why don't you leave it all behind?"

"I'm not sure _it_ can leave me behind. Don't you ever feel . . . helpless? About what happened? About what's happening now?"

"Of course I do. But what can I do about it? I can't bring all those people back to life," and here she faltered.

"But I have to move on," she said with resolve, "Or else I don't know what will happen to me."

"I still don't know what will happen to me, either and any way."

"You should talk to my grandfather. He's a General stationed here at Eastern. Usually it takes awhile for resignations to be processed, but he can speed it along."

* * *

The General was a small man with a bushy white moustache, who reminded Roy of the fruit vendor. He obviously doted on his granddaughter.

"Ah, my Riza, you're far too special to be out in the field. I can't imagine that you spent two years at the front lines. My heart can't take it. I'm glad you decided to resign. Better late than never. A beautiful woman like you should really get married to some strapping young man," here the General grinned in Roy's direction.

Roy was flustered. He hadn't thought to think that far ahead.

"I thought your ideal husband was some fellow General, a rather withered old man," Riza teased, though her smile was a bit forced.

"Oh, well, you've obviously got better eyes than me. You always were good at picking out people. But seriously, now that you're out of the military there's no reason why you should wait. You should settle down."

Riza frowned for a fraction of a second then escorted Roy forward.

"This is Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang. He would like to resign as well. I'm going to get some tea for us."

And with that, she rapidly left the room.

"Ah, you're a Lieutenant Colonel already! My, what a fast riser! A boy like you could become Fuhrer one day."

Roy smiled hollowly, "I hardly know what to do with myself, General, much less the country."

"Well, for one thing, you could stop a few wars," the General said good-naturedly.

"What did you say?" Roy snapped. The idea was blasphemous.

"Well, after all, you know this war that happened just now, it started over the damnest thing. Well, those things happen, but sometimes it seems like the people in charge _wanted_ the war to continue. 'A great opportunity to test our new weapons' they said. Those poor alchemists. Bah, I don't know. I'm just an old General, past my prime. I just keep plodding on, don't really know what's going on around me."

Roy was silent. For the first time in a long time, he was thinking, trying to sort things out more complex than "Riza is beautiful" or "The war was bad" (both understatements, and glaringly obvious).

"Do you play chess Lieutenant Colonel Mustang?"

"Hmm?" Roy met the General's eyes, blank behind the spectacles.

"Chess. It's a fine game. Riza's never cared for it. Well, she's a sharpshooter. Direct and to the point. Chess is more subtle. I'm always looking for a new challenge."

By the time Riza returned with the tea, Roy and the General were deeply engrossed in a game. But in the end, the General won. He laughed heartily.

"Not bad my boy! Not bad at all! You could become great. I hope to see more of you."

As they walked away from Headquarters Riza was silent.

"What's wrong?"

Riza pursed her lips.

"Be careful around my grandfather. He may seem like a harmless old man, but he was pretty wily in his day. He was ambitious too. I don't even know everything he was mixed up in."

"You shouldn't worry so much," Roy replied. But Riza knew then that things had gone beyond her control.

* * *

Their relationship was much different now, Riza contemplated, handing Roy a new stack of paperwork to be reviewed. He accepted it with a sigh. There was no getting around her. He had chosen this path. She was damn well going to make sure he stuck to it.

But really, it was like they were two completely separate people from what they had been before. If they had been shown a preview of what they would be like, they would have scarcely believed it. Yet it would not have been completely unexpected. It had been what Riza had been afraid of, but she had walked into it anyway. The important thing was that they were together. She would rather have their present relationship than just a sweet memory.

She was thinking too much. Why was she thinking about this now? She hadn't really thought about it in years, almost as if it hadn't existed, like they pretended Ishvar didn't exist, most days. But she remembered. She remembered that Roy had lost more and more chess games to her grandfather, and somehow never resigned from the military. Her own resignation had been hastily processed. Her grandfather wasn't above rushing a woman out of the military while reeling a man in. She remembered the day he had told her he wasn't going to quit the military, and about what he had planned to do.

She had called him a fool. She herself wasn't a fool. She knew what it meant. Besides the danger and audaciousness of it, she knew it would have to become his priority. She didn't enjoy being usurped.

"You want to leave me!" she had accused. She knew it was a lie. She wanted it be a lie, so he could deny it. So she didn't say, 'You're leaving me."

"Don't be silly! I don't want that!" he said, gripping her arms tightly, afraid she would disappear. "I want you to come with me."

"Where?"

"To the top."

"I've already quit the military," she said, stating the obvious, the logical. What she did not say was that if she did go with him, if she rejoined the military, it wouldn't be the same. It would be drastically different.

They made love for the last time that night. It was what they had been practicing for, yet they were both so unprepared for the desperation and cruelty with which they clung to each other. Each trying to make the other stay. Each believing the other one was the one breaking pact. Each saying good-bye.

The next day, Second Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye reapplied to the military.

* * *

_Wow, was that a plot? Don't go away, the story isn't over yet. Who else loves the idea of devious!Riza's grandfather?_

_**Edward Mustang**: Thanks for your review. It is a cute scene, though I've never actually watched it. More second hand anime references to come._

_**Blond Hurricane, mylovemiroku, and shadowwriter55**: Thanks for putting the story on your alert list. If you think it's worth reading, leave a review!_


	4. Past times

_Again, I borrowed from the anime about Roy being all upset about not being informed about Ed's hospitalization. I actually don't even watch the anime, but the internet is a wonderful resource. Fanfiction can be misleading sometimes though. From one or two instances everyone thinks that Roy is a total slacker and Hawkeye is trigger happy. I'm victim to the slacker!Roy myth here. Oh well, I guess the anime did more with slacker!Roy anyway. I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist._

**Chapter 4: Past times**

"Lieutenant, what is this about Fullmetal being hospitalized?"

"He was injured while investigating the 5th Laboratory, sir."

"Why wasn't I told about this!"

"I assumed you knew, sir."

"I don't mean you, I mean other people, damn it!"

"Perhaps they didn't want to worry you. After all, when it comes to the Elric brothers, you aren't always at your best."

Understatement. But it was one of the few times she said what she meant instead of the logical, cop-out answer like, 'Information travels in strange ways, sir."

Roy Mustang was flustered for a moment before he stalked angrily to the nearest telephone, to harass Edward Elric, no doubt. She followed along, though she wasn't sure why exactly. It would be amusing as it was exasperating, at least. And she could foist some paperwork on him when he was done. She knew better than to try and talk more sense into him now, but she could scold him afterwards with reminders of the rest of his life (i.e. paperwork). There was always the chance he could wander off after his rant. Or maybe she just liked being around him. No, she couldn't think like that anymore.

* * *

After Fullmetal had yelled back at him stringently and hung up on him, Hawkeye foisted some paperwork into his hands.

"These are due _tomorrow_ for the weapons council's approval, sir."

As if he weren't irritated enough. He muttered darkly as stalked back over to his desk. Riza shuffled through the rest of his uncompleted documents. He found himself irrationally thinking that she had beautiful hands, which handled the various papers with such grace and care.

"_Sir_."

His eyes traveled back to the papers in front of him. Was this another one of his daydreaming days? He was sometimes like that. Most of the time Hawkeye thought he was musing over alchemic equations, or the more pressing (in his mind) and covert matters. Most times she was right. But once in awhile he let his mind wander to the past, even though it was always painful. And thinking of possibilities was just self-defeating.

The Riza Hawkeye he had loved was nothing like the 1st Lieutenant Hawkeye that he knew now. No, that wasn't true. She was still beautiful and she was still strict and efficient and straightforward. Like a bullet, unmerciful, her grandfather had once said. He had asked, then, why he disapproved so much of Riza being in the military.

"She's far too devoted," he had replied. "This military . . . is no place for her. She'd get lost in it, or she would realize that the military was lost and she'd . . . in any case, a beautiful young woman like her should really be married, don't you think?"

It was the one time he had been given an answer that was openly sexist or protectionist. But Hawkeye was working for him. She wasn't helping the military achieve whatever dubious goals it had; she was helping him achieve his. Wasn't that enough? It was enough for him. His goals were first and foremost.

That's why he needed to keep her at arm's length. If he let her get too close he would forget. Everything. Or maybe he would give up. Maybe he would decide it was too hard and too complex and he would settle for the sweet simplicity of her love. If she still loved him.

She certainly was devoted to him. But not the same part of him as before. Before she had been devoted to him, the man, and their love. Now she was devoted to him, the soldier, and their mission. The two did not mix. In fact, she had taken careful pains to sever the two. She had requested to be reinstated into the military, and to be under his direct command. She had shown up in a crisply pressed military uniform (which had been splattered in dust and blood, the last time he had seen it) and a crisp military salute. She had called him sir, and waited for orders. No small talk. No recognition in those hard, steely eyes. No screaming and slapping and struggling to get out of his arms as when he had asked her to come with him. It was unnerving.

So he accepted it. That was the way things had to be. They had made a new pact, stating that the past was closed. And good thing, too. Good thing! Because if she ever did acknowledge that they had a past, he might acknowledge it too. She knew he wasn't strong enough for that, right? She knew that if he let himself she would be on his desk (paperwork be damned!) and he might drown himself, might never come up for air. Because what else mattered, anyway? What else mattered?

And that was why he had to keep her at arm's length, why he needed to let her keep him at arm's length. Otherwise he would have thoughts like that. And then he would forget.

Colonel Roy Mustang focused him eyes on the papers before him, due tomorrow, regarding the weapons distribution of Amestris.

* * *

_Yay! Reviews!_

_**Blonde Hurricane**: Favorite author? Awesome. Really, I was being sad and rereading old, sad Royai fanfiction (because it seems like no one writes Royai/Riza-centric fanon anymore, thus forcing me to write my own), and then: review! It made me so happy._

_Yeah, about General Grumman. At first I was like, "Yeah, this is some absent-minded General that Roy is sucking up to," but then, he won how many chess games? And then I found out he was Riza's grandfather. There just has to be more to him._

_**mylovemiroku**: Ishbal/Ishvar, Riza/Lisa, Rizemboul/Liesenburgh: yeah I can see how it can be annoying when you're used to reading it a certain way. A couple of weeks ago though I committed myself to certain spellings, and I'm sticking to them. Yes! No way they're sleeping together in the canon (as much as we would like them to be)._

_Wow, such long responses to reviews._

_**shadowriter55**: Yeah, I'm bad at leaving reviews too. Sometimes I just don't feel like I'm up to it; I feel like I have to appropriately convey my response. I've looked at some of your stuff too though so we're even. Did I label this fic angst? I believe I did. Yeah, not much plot except in the third chapter, it's more reflective type stuff. One more chapter to wrap it all up!_

_**momiji-k**: Yes! I've achieved an interesting twist on Royai! I have to confess, I hoard my Royai fics too. They're all on my computer, but I refuse to update any more quickly than I do. Unless I get, like, mad reviews._

_**unexpection**: Your reviews are always short and sweet. (unexpection goes to join Edward Mustang and Blonde Hurricane in the Hall of Loyal Reviewers)._

_**Kaori-chan92** (if you're here yet): Thanks for your review, and for adding me to your favorite author's list! I'm glad you didn't think Riza was out of character or anything. Roy's still angsting all over the place though._

_**Kawaii Kitty-chan**: Thanks for your review. It's going to be pretty angsty from now on though._

_**Edward Mustang**: I probably shouldn't tell you this but I'm working on a sequel to Pact. It's all in my head but because of my posting schedule it probably won't come out for weeks. Maybe I should update more often._

_**tinejensen**: Thanks for adding the story to your alert list. Leave a review!_


	5. Time

_References to chapter 24 and chapter 35. Final chapter. I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist._

**Chapter 5: Time**

Maybe it was better this way, Riza thought. What had she known about him back then, anyway? Only that he was young, and handsome, and guilty, and brilliant, and deadly, and desperate, and that he had that spark. Yes, some days she thought that she was still in love with him, even though he was no longer the man she had fallen in love with. And she was no longer the woman who had fallen in love with him. He had been desperate and unsure back then, and she had been so sure in her desperation.

Since then she had learned of his deviousness, discovered his determination, and seen a Roy Mustang that was not teetering on the edge. She had seen him joke, and flirt, audaciously, flippantly. This was a new Roy: one she had never seen before. The old Roy could never have joked, not mischievously, only bitterly. Could she really have stayed with such a man?

Perhaps she had thought that she could cure him, like she had been trying to cure herself. She had had it all planned out. Quit the military. Get a job that doesn't involve killing. Ignore Ishvar. Pretend to be like everyone else. She wondered if it would have worked out. Only time would have told.

That was the funny thing about time. You couldn't go back. You couldn't wonder, 'what if?' You couldn't change things, undo things. You could only move forward. If she asked the Colonel, or Edward, they would tell her something about equivalent exchange, and that something was missing in the attempt to bring back what was lost. Riza didn't need to know alchemy to realize that. The past was gone. She knew that. Time moved forward. She knew that. Life went on. She knew that. But sometimes she couldn't help but wonder.

She wondered if some things could still be repairable, if time could heal as well as sever. It would never be the same, but it could be close. Maybe it would even be better.

Maybe things were better now. They were certainly better from when she had first started working for him. She had been strict and unfamiliar to the point of cruelty. She knew that she had hurt him. She had wanted to hurt him. She had wanted to say, "This is what you chose: deal with the consequences. I'm here to help you succeed, because I need something to believe in, but I'm not going to be your lover. You don't have time for that, and I haven't the heart."

They had grown beyond trusted soldier and commander. They had become comrades, friends of a sort. He would point out the unbelievable intuition of a 12-year-old boy, and she would scold him for his indiscretion. She would call him on treating the Elric brothers like children, when he had always before held them to the harsh standards of adults, and he would rationalize and philosophize and in a roundabout way admit his guilt. Time had led them on a path to an unimaginable place, both better and worse. In any case it was bearable, routine really. That was what time did. It foisted the present on you, until it became more real than what had happened years ago, for a brief interlude.

They were going to the top. That was their pact.

* * *

_It's over! Sorry, I had to reconcile their past, fanwank relationship with their present, canon one._

_I bet some of you were confused as to what the title referred to in the first couple of chapters. My titles are probably always going to be mentioned somewhere in my fics. "Pact" actually shows up three different times in this fic, in three different contexts._

_**mylovemiroku**: Ah, yes, romantic!Roy, I loves him muchly, because I hate unreciprocated Riza love. I added some angst in though, because I can't stand for things to get too fluffy. Thanks for your review. Watch for updates! (see profile for posting schedule)_

_**Blond Hurricane**: Thanks for your review, and you're welcome. It's great that we can still enjoy each other's fics even though we like to pair Riza up with different people. By the way, I've joined one of your forums._

_**Edward Mustang**: Haha, only for a loyal reviewer (what? You mean other people can read responses too? Mind your own business people!). The sequel will come **eventually**. As always, thanks for your review._

_**shadowriter55**: Yes! Wistful angsty Roy/Riza is my specialty. Yes, the story has ended, and sorry they didn't get together. If you read my response to Edward Mustang's review in chapter 4, I'm working on a sequel. In the meantime, I will be posting other Riza-centric, mostly Royai stuff. Manga rocks. And so a long response to a long review ends._

_**unexpection**: Thank you; I tried hard to make my fanwank work. And it's in chapter 24 where Roy and Riza go to recruit Ed. I'm such a manga whore, I keep a list of Roy/Riza moments. Again: thank you for the review!_

_**xXsilentxwhisperXx:** New reviewer! Cool! And you added my story to your favorites list even before it was finished! Oh, and I'm a favorite author! (Plus the story and I are on you alert list. Wow, you did everything. I guess you were impressed.) I hope you liked the ending. Thank you, I always try and proofread my fics for spelling and grammar. Spell/grammar check helps too, but it tells me that words like "angsty" and "Riza" and "Royai" don't exist. The nerve! And my stylistic two word sentences get little squiggly green lines under them. Oh well._

_**een nihc**: Once again, thank you for reviewing. About the second chapter . . . I've never done that either, and I really didn't think about it at the time I was writing it but . . . now I'm embarrassed too! Third chapter: yeah, people do change. Actually my view is that their relationship wasn't too healthy for either of them at the time._

_**Neptunzdaughter**: Thank you for adding this story to your review list. Please leave a review telling me what you think._

_**momiji-k**: I don't know why people keep telling me chapter 4 is short, when it's actually only 30 words less than chapter 3 (the longest chapter). Maybe you guys just can't get enough of my writing? (hee) Thank you for your review. I'm glad people like to read my reflective ramblings._


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